I sat next to Johnny Depp on the airplane.

Not really. I was just thinking (instead of sleeping - I had to leave bed because I was laughing) what would it be like to sit next to some famous celebrity on the airplane? Say, Johnny Depp. I bet we would be in disguise and I would recognize him from his tattoos. He does have tattoos, doesn't he? What are they? I digress. Perhaps I would recognize him, anyway, but I wouldn't call him on it. Would you? How rude. I would shake his hand for sure....well, that or corner him in the little bathroom and make out...what? I think I would take out my computer and start writing blog entries about seeing famous people in weird places. Say, Souplantation. (That's a really big salad bar-restaurant down the street at the big mall we live at.) And how funny would it be to pretend someone you know was famous and you called them on it right there in the Souplantation. You could get up to refill your drink (you have to refill your own drink at Souplantation) and come back to the table and start saying, very loudly, "Hey! Wow! Aren't you Mark Somebody? Wow! This is soooo exciting! Can I have your autograph? My cousin Sal will be so excited. She's your biggest fan. Well, she used to be a he and goes by Sally now, but I still remember her...him as Sal. Once when we were kids he gave be the biggest hickey. Hey....I don't suppose you'd give me a hickey...just for kicks. Well, thanks for the autograph. You are so cool. Hey, look everybody, Mark Lapid is sooo cool!" At this point most people would return to their tables to relish their friends with stories of meeting Mark Lapid, but not I. I would just sit down at our table and eat. This is what keeps me up tonight.

Tried to find a picture of Johnny Depp on this fancy internet, but failed to steal one. Instead, here is a picture of my beautiful child.