Peace

A Downy Woodpecker and a White Breasted Nuthatch came today to the new feeder, which I located to furthest tree in the yard. They snubbed it when it was close to the deck. Picky birds. So, I'm happy and stand in the bay window with my binoculars watching them eat seed and insects, then looking them up in the book.

Divina and I worked for about an hour in the yard raking leaves and collecting sticks. She watches what I do, then does her best to do the same. My shadow. She wander off from time to time and do her own thing, including attempting to unlatch the gate. (Mental note: buy lock for gate.) Just when I thought she was all work, I turned around and found her laying on her back in a pile of leaves. Just lying there. I asked her what she was doing. "Thinking." Well, okay then. She's thinking. Can't argue with that.

We visited my friend Ken today. He works at the record store. I met Ken the summer I turned 16. I'll be 36 this year. Do the math. Go ahead. That's twenty years, my friends. So he mentioned that another friend of his can't go out much. He calls her in hopes of going out for a bite to eat, say around 8 or 9pm, and she can't go because of her kid. This annoys him. I said that when people have kids you have to just go along with what they are doing, the park, library, etc. He didn't think much of that idea being that he works and goes to school most of the time. Then he noted that he and I won't be able to get together much because of the same thing. We talked about how when people have kids their priorities and desires change. It's not like we can't go out much and it's prison. We don't really want to go out much. I have a great time hanging out with Little Miss. There are times when I'd like time to myself, of course.

I think a big part about being a parent is giving yourself completely to the little person. It's kind of like being in love. You loose a certain part of yourself, a certain kind of freedom, but you gain a whole new world. It's like if you keep telling yourself that you'd rather be doing something else, or try to do things while you should be paying attention to the kid, you get all stressed and down on life because it's not working out the way you want. Isn't it like that with a lot of things? Not just with kids? People have a hard time being happy right where they are.

Everyone has their own drummer. Some more than others. Ha! Since the kid my drummer has slowed down. The rhythm of my life is much more natural. Units of time are measured by milestones, not months; by meals, not hours; by growth charts, not years. My rhythms were once erratic with passionate kisses, depressing lonely nights, racing through cubicle days. Now there's a soft, steady beat constantly in the distance. My own heart.