Me

For five days a new magazine has been on our coffee table, Psychologies. It's filled with articles about, well, psychology and personal assessment quizzes. So far I've learned that I am driven, extremely, by creativity and intuition. Not too many years ago I was driven by method and organization. The change is due to becoming a stay-home-mom.

My life is very go-with-the-flow. I sometimes know for sure what day it is. There are times when I even know what time it is. Things take as long as they take and it's time to go when we are ready. I like to wake up when I wake up, not when it's time to wake up. I go to bed late, a symptom of chronic rebelliousness. I have time to observe something (my child) for a while before taking action. My actions are determined by the needs of the present moment, rarely a plan.

Here's the problem, I become extremely frustrated when I'm expected to explain my actions or reasoning. I don't like having to be on time for things. I'm constantly thinking about projects and trying to do them while tending to my daily obligations. I'm also more comfortable speaking poetically or metaphorically, sometimes confusing people who don't like reading between the lines. I'm also finding that I like to cut to the chase in conversation. I loathe small talk and end up getting right to the heart of the matter often before my conversationee is warmed up. I talk about what's on my mind and in my heart often too openly. And I'm annoyed when I'm in the middle of a creative process and get interrupted, which is constantly.

I forgot where I was going with all this.

I've been very depressed. It began last summer and has gotten progressively worse. I'm taking an anti-depressant. Over the holidays it was really bad. Really. I was taking my "nice pill" in the morning which made me sad, now I'm taking it at bedtime which is working much better.

On one hand I'm really finding myself creatively because my lifestyle (being a stay-home-mom) allows for intuitive action. On the other, I'm irritable and depressed because I don't have freedom to explore it freely because of my lifestyle (being a stay-home-mom).

*Photo taken by Divina.