This Child

Things are improving. I've been taking Zoloft for a couple weeks now and I'm feeling much better. Things just don't irritate me so much and I'm less worried. I still don't sleep well, though.

I'm much more patient with Divina, not snapping at her or getting angry over little things. She's noticed, too. Her tantrums are less intense and short lived. I find I'm able to talk her down gently, rather than yelling and sending her to her room. Overall, home life is becoming enjoyable again.

Here's a weird thing. About a month ago I bought her a game, Barnyard, for our old PS2. We both play it with Mark joining us sometimes. There have been days when I just can't put it down. I'll play all day if I can. I remind Mark that when we first met I was addicted to Tomb Raider and that's one of the reasons he fell for me, that I was a gamer. Ha. Anyway, the weird thing is that Divina doesn't seem to mind at all when I play that game for too long. She just sets up her dolls beside me and plays by herself. She plays by herself! Amazing. Then, today I was tidying up in the kitchen and she began playing with her dolls in the living room. No complaints or anything! I just can't believe it. Wonderful.

Yet... ah yes there's always "yet"... There's a side effect of her getting older and becoming more independent. Her vocabulary and ability to speak clearly has led to some awkward moments. We had a playgroup at our house today. Several moms came with their little ones. Divina is the oldest of them all. It started out with her insisting on playing the High School Musical CD from the library way too loud so she could dance with another girl. It was difficult to finally turn the thing down. Then she wouldn't let anyone near the boom box who wasn't wearing a dress up dress because that area was "the dance floor". Mind you, that was every child at the group today except her and the other girl.

Now here's the clincher. As everyone was getting ready to go, we were talking about attendance at playgroups and I mentioned that no one came to the last one at our house. And Divina said "Yeah, we had a playgroup at our house. And do you know, those idiots didn't come!" That's right, she said it. I was amused and embarrassed at the same time. I recall that day clearly and I did not use the word "idiots". Then she said she didn't like one of the girls while the girl and her mom were sitting right beside us. I know that she likes the girl because she's told me before that she was happy the girl would be at a playgroup and such.

So I sigh. I'm glad for Zoloft.