Second Steps

On Saturday, Mark and I went to an informational forum for the Adoption Support Center. This is the agency that we did not work with for Divina's adoption. We did not like these people at all. They were much too polished, too comercial. They do a lot of referals for international adoptions and specialize in domestic adoptions. They do a few transracial adoptions. The majority of the forum was on international. Often, not always, couples who choose international adoption do so in order to avoid the birthmother. There is a lot of fear there. Divina's birthmother is real. I think that by bypassing any relationship with the birthmother, adoptive parents aren't honoring their child as best they can. Kids don't grow on trees. They are flesh and blood from a real, feeling woman. We found the ASC's discussion of the international adoption experience so distasteful. Guatamala is described as a "vacation like experience." Our meetings with our birthmother in the hospital were hardly vacation like, but they were real. Then the Barbie, I mean speaker, sorry, said that children from Nepal come all dressed in "the cutest hot pink outfits." Oh, why not get one that comes in a pretty pink bow? Man. We gave Divina her first bath and washed away the gunk from her birth. Now that we've been through a lot, I mean a lot, with our semi-open adoption, we just can't imagine it any other way. Open adoption is an emotional roller coaster. I understand that all children all over the world deserve loving homes (the future for Chinese girls who don't get adopted is bleak at best and there are many reasons adoptive parents choose China), but we found the ASC's presentation so phony.

Then they talked about transracial aboption. Oh man. They went on about it as if people who adopt black, hispanic, or bi-racial kids are heroes doing some great altruistic act. We definetly don't feel we've acted with altruism. If it were truly a gift, we would have found a way to make Divina's birthmother's life better so that she wouldn't have to place her child for adoption in the first place. The world is unfair that way. The ASC also estimates the wait for AA (African American) newborn babies at one to twelve weeks because they don't have very many families willing to adopt these kids. I would also like to point out that AA adoptions are the cheepest. What does this say about the value Americans place on AA people? Race and adoption can bring up some fascinating and humbling topics. It's not really something I'm angry about, it just something I'd like people to know more about, especially those considering expanding their families.

As for our second adoption, it's still on the shelf. I'm going to an adoption education workshop on Wednesday at St. Elizabeth's & Coleman, the agency Divina came from. I think after that wkshp we will have a better idea as to which agency to work with. But money is still a huge issue. It looks like we are going to have to come with $15,000 either way. Reminding myself to exhale...