A Work of Journalistic Brilliance

This is an actual article from our local newspaper. Bare with me and read the whole thing.

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CLOTHES NEAR FURNACE LIKELY CAUSE OF BLAZE
Fire causes about $30,000 in damage in Mishawaka home.

YaSHEKIA SMALLS
Tribune Staff Writer

MISHAWAKA -- Erin Coryell lay asleep in her friend's basement Thursday afternoon when she awoke to a burst of fire, and then darkness. "I seen a flame and nothing," Coryell said outside Brandy Baker's house at 906 E. Mishawaka Ave., relieved to have darted upstairs in time. "That's it." The Mishawaka Fire Department was dispatched to the single-story red brick home about 1 p.m., where 17 firefighters spent 15 minutes extinguishing a blaze that officials said erupted from a gas furnace. Firefighters contained the blaze to the basement, linking it likely to clothes kept too close to the furnace located near a water heater, Mishawaka Assistant Fire Chief Mike Talbot said Thursday. The fire caused about $30,000 worth of fire and smoke damage to the home's contents, he said. When Baker and visiting friends fled the smoke-filled house with her two Labradors and three cats, a calico and white cat jumped out of her arms and could not be caught, she said Thursday. Down the street, 19-year-old Bray Tibbs was eating mashed potatoes-stuffed chicken at a friend's house when he saw smoke pouring out of Baker's house across the street. "It's kind of scary because Park Jefferson Apartments just caught on fire, and my girlfriend lives right across the street from that," Tibbs said. "This happened right across the street from me."
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Okay. First of all "I seen a flame..." What more can I say about that?

Second, who would place clothes on the floor by a gas furnance?

Then there's the details this journalist chooses to include, like what kind of dogs lived there and that the cats included a white one and a calico one. Okay, maybe someone might find them.

But what on Earth does mashed potatoes-stuffed chicken have to do with anything? Shouldn't there be some commentary about fire safety, insurance, or request to find the lost cats? Who called the police? How long did it take them to get there? What will the family do while the house is repaired? Shouldn't there be some helpful quote from the firefighters?

You see the place I come from? This is from a respectable newspaper! Honestly.