Lucky, I Guess

There are a finite number of directions a sprinkler happens to be aiming at any given time. When adjusting the location of said sprinkler there are also a finite number of escape routes a person can choose to avoid the moving shower. The chances of a person choosing the exact trajectory of the shower for an escape route are beyond my calculating ability, however, some people have a knack for choosing that trajectory every time. This is what I explained to Mark this morning as I stood in his office, soaked head to toe on the entire left side of my body.



My neighbors think I'm crazy. For the past few weeks I've been taking an hour here and there to sit in my yard making holes. The yard is now pitted with 4" holes, no grass, just dirt. I'm digging up dandelions. One time I was out there, happily pulling them up by their remarkably sturdy roots (a very satisfying chore) and this old lady walks up to me and says "just use the spray, honey." Then I walloped her with my spade and buried by the lilac tree. You know, so many people have given me a hard time about not spraying my yard with poison. It's like the vegetarian thing. People give Mark and I a hard time about what we are NOT doing. Global warming is real and we have to make choices carefully about what we are doing with our planet. It's up to every individual. The same could be said about racism. I think most people would agree that to end racism every person has to decide for themselves that its not acceptable and make changes. What's so different about our environment? We can change the world. Just look at how much the world has changed in the past 100 years, the past decade!

Okay, so here's another thing that's been on my mind... What is up with so many people on the homophobic boat anymore? Honestly, there are so many more important things to be getting all riled up about. Who cares who is sleeping with who when the glaciers are melting? People! Glaciers - big, big ice that's been frozen for thousands of years - are melting at a rate so fast the level of the ocean is predicted to rise to such a degree that most of New York City will be under water. The terrorists really don't need to attack us, they should just wait fifty years, we'll drown ourselves. I just don't think its worth it to put so much energy into chasing down gay people while driving a hummer and eating a 1/2 pound steak, smoking cigarettes, with your kids in the back seat. I'm not saying the my life is filled with superior morality, it hardly is, it's just so futile and trivial to divide ourselves over boundaries of love. Besides that, gay people won't be contributing to the over population of the planet (should hit 9 billion soon) they adopt. By that virtue alone, they've got my vote.

Maybe I am crazy.