Damn This Bliss

There are scientists somewhere who have done studies and found that humans need conflict, danger, adrenaline rushes, and general mayhem to maintain sanity. This does not describe my life. The degree of jeopardy presented on Blues Clues just doesn't feed my inner warrior, you know what I mean? This G-rated life is beginning to get to me. Our big family trip this year, so far, was going to The Wiggles concert in Chicago. While the show was awesome, those guys know what they are doing, its hard to be stimulated as an adult by five giant dancing bears. ... Hmmm, maybe it was a rave and we just weren't privy. (Joke.) * I should note that we have seen every episode of The Wiggles show on TV, several times, and listen to their music in the car, almost exclusively. At the concert we did all the moves and sang along with gusto. It was a blast!!! *




How many paper sculptures can a person make?

Don't get me wrong, being a mom is still the most fulfilling occupation I've ever had, and I'm darn good at it. It's just time for some adult activities. Not "adult", you dirty bird, but grown up. So I'm taking a yoga class (which Mark signed me up for) and I've got Divina in preschool two days a week, 3 hours a day, so there's some time for me to shop, go to the library, whatever. I also got my hair cut, a real hair cut, and color, too. I'm reclaiming... well... me. So far, it's been a very successful venture. I'm less irritable and enjoying Little Miss more and more.



What we need now is another baby, don't you think? We agree. Right now there is an application for adoption sitting on the table. All the lines are blank, waiting for our financial reports, our physical reports, names of four references, and answers to questions about our families/upbringing and why we want to adopt, again. When most people decide to make a baby the process involves love making, a pleasurable endeavor. For us the process involves taking out bank statements and calling our friends to ask them to write nice things about us. Good grief.



As much as I'm complaining about my lack of sleep and the eternal mess of toys everywhere, there's this vision, this apparition. Sometimes I recall Divina's tiny baby body resting in my arms, how she released herself to me and me to her, and I can almost actually feel her weight, feel her breath on my skin. I long for it again. Looking back, I think another baby would be so much work, but I also remember the profound love and the way it transformed me, us. And I see Divina with a little sister or brother and wonder in what ways she will be changed, how her heart will grow, like ours did for her.

So right now I'm taking care of myself. I'm getting ready... for the mayhem.